A Crazy Night in Vegas
It was a Sunday afternoon. My friend Kurt and I met for lunch. We kept talking about our upcoming trip to Vegas. We were scheduled to leave that Thursday and return 3 days later.
"This food tastes like **** and this service is horrible." said Kurt. "Just wait for Vegas baby, lobster and prime rib every night!!"
Kurt had the entire week off. And I have all the time in the world. Online Poker as a profession allows me to set my own hours!
"Lets rent a car and drive down there right now. We can drop the car off in Vegas and catch our return flight back!" I said. After a confused look Kurt said "OK lets do it". And it was done! Until will did some research and found it cheaper to fly. We caught a flight and arrived in Vegas around 7pm.
"This is insane, a week in Vegas, we are going to die of alcohol poisoning and lose our houses!... Yeah cool"
After renting a car - a Chrysler 300 and checking into our hote-l the Venetian we were ready to go. The first amazing event of the night was our room at the Venetian. It was our first time there. Kurt opened the door, his mouth dropped and he said " ohh my.... HOLY ****, this room is insane." Off to the left was the bathroom. It was filled with gold fixtures, double sink, vanity, separate shower, marble floors and Jacuzzi tub. Off the bathroom was a separate room for the toilet complete with private phone. Kurt said " Forward my calls to the poop room, I got to drop the kids off at the pool!!" Proceeding to the bedroom, two beds with fine bedding a valance and log pillows, and a TV. The room was huge, with artwork and gold accents. Continuing past the beds to the sunken living room. Couches, chairs, a table, fax machine and additional TV and this was a standard room! Kurt flipped on the TV. And to our surprise the porn channel was on. "Holy crap free porn" And it was paid for our entire week there! Maybe a glitch we never found out!
After leaving our room we got in the 300 and headed to Uncle Albert's Steakhouse. Might as well eat big before we go broke. Kurt selected a plump lobster from the tank and I had a filet. It was about 4 inches thick and cooked to perfection. I don't remember for sure but I think that is when the drinking started. A few beers. Lead to a few more.
After Uncle Al's we headed over to the fricken lodge. (Bellagio) A tradition of ours. We go to the fricken lodge to bet on the fricken horses. They have the best sports book in the world at the lodge. We valet the car and walk in the front door. Leather swivel chairs and private flat screen TVs. And you can bet 2 bucks a race if you want. Or you can bet on one race and drink free fricken drinks all night long! And that is what we did. Kurt was drinking Heineken and I was drinking captain and coke. Tip the cocktail waitress and she will get you drunk as you want!
After the lodge while waiting for the valet to return our 300 Kurt decided to run after a pigeon and kick it. He really nailed that sucker. I asked him what was wrong with him. He said "Pigeons are just rats with wings, I hate F***ING pigeons". "Wow I didn't know you had such anger towards them" We started laughing; he asked me if I hated them too. I told him I don't have an opinion either way. "Go kick it again so I can take a picture." He ran after it and nailed it again. I got a great picture on my phone too. We were so drunk.
After the pigeon-kicking incident we headed downtown to drink some more and play some fricken "Worlds Most Liberal 21" at the Vegas club. Another tradition. You can double down with 3 cards if you want. Only in Vegas baby. After several hands and more drinks we headed to the Ghost Bar. While leaving the parking garage Kurt decided to test the emergency break. The only problem was he wasn't driving, I was. He scared the crap out of me. He yelled "EMERGENCY" and pulled the E-break. The car came screeching to a halt nearly crashing into the wall of the parking garage. Most people would have seen how dangerous and stupid this was, but not us. It was unfortunate that this discovery had to happen on the first day. I can't count how many "EMERGENCIES" we had that week. We nearly rolled over on the freeway.
The ghost bar was crazy. We drank ourselves to a stupor. We literally stumbled out to the car. We ended up leaving the car at the Palms and taking a taxi back to the Vegas Club for breakfast. $2.99 steak, eggs and hash browns. Kurt was so obnoxious while we waited for our food. "Where the hell are my eggs? Why are we eating at this ****hole? He then asked the waiter if he spit in our food. "I told him no but he will now you *****" Kurt put his head down and passed out. I said why don't you sleep on the floor. He lay down on the floor of the diner. The waiter said, "Sir get up, you have to get off the floor". Kurt just lay there I thought he was dead. I couldn't stop laughing. We got booted out of there with empty stomachs! We headed back to the room. We ordered room service. Burgers and fries. While I was placing the phone order Kurt kept yelling " HOMO ordering room service" The lady on the phone was cracking up. I awoke a half hour later and let the room service bring in the cart. Kurt was laid out on the floor. I had to literally kick him to get him out of the way to let the cart get through the door.
He was so drunk. He got up looked at me straight in the eyes and said "Where are you?" "Where are you?" I started laughing. "I'm Here ***hole, now eat your F-ING burger. He picked it up and threw it at me.
"You dumbs**** " I said, "You just throw a $25 burger at me." I yelled " Have some F**** tomatoes and I proceeded to throw a tomato at him. He picked up his plate and pathetically threw the entire thing at me. It missed me by like five feet and splattered all over the curtains. "You pigeon kicking bitch, I spent the next hour throwing up, while Kurt fell asleep to some quality adult programming. We woke up the next day at noon with food and vomit all over our beautiful room."Room Service Please!"